He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize