I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
