I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize