if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
