So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
