it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
