I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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