Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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