Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You smell like stripper and shame
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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