Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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