Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
