How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
