Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
