if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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