is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
