A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
