We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize