apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
