Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
