She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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