How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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