Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
