From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My vagina just recognized that song.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
