i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I need to calm my uterus...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize