Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
