i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
