No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize