please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
