im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize