U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
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