Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
