the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
