Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just made my gag reflex go away.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
