You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
