So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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