All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
being pregnant is like rehab
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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