Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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