so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
