i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
