1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
