Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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