1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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