She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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