I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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