if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
