So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
