Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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