call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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