If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize