ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
