what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
