my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
