in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
