you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
