How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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