She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
