Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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