i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
