you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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