i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
