...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
