Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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