We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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