I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Found your dick twin last night
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Randomize
