i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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