This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
