I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
