My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How does one acquire holy water?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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