Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
